15 Questions for More Powerful Relationships

With so many personalities in the workplace, have you ever found it difficult to work with everyone?  In every organization, regardless of where you work, you will naturally have some coworkers that are more challenging to work with.  Hopefully you are in a culture that has very few of these but learning how to boost your relationship is a skill worth perfecting. 

Think about 1 person in your company with whom you would like to improve your relationship. Read on to find some important questions to ponder to begin nurturing a more positive and effective relationship. 

1.     If you could change one thing about this relationship, what would you change?  What could you do right now to effect that change?

2.     What is working well about how you both work together?  What could be improved?

3.     What would need to happen for you to walk towards this relationship?  What would cause you to walk away?

4.     How might you be misunderstood by this person?  How might you be misunderstanding them?

5.     How have you contributed to the current health of this relationship?

6.     Do you value this person’s success as much as your own?  If not, why not?  What could you do to change that?

7.     What, if anything, would have to change for you to describe this relationship as collaborative?

8.     What do you expect and need of this person in this relationship?  What are their expectations and needs of you?  How could you confirm the expectations?

9.     What mistakes do you need to recover from?  What mistakes do you need to forgive this person for?

10.  How much time and energy are you willing to invest in developing this relationship?

11.  How do you talk about this person when they are not present?

12.  What can you learn from others who have a good relationship with this person?

13.  What baggage are you bringing that you need to let go of?  What baggage are they bringing that they need to let go of?

14.  How would you describe your decision-making style?  In what way is this similar to or different from this person’s preferred style?

15.  In what ways would this person describe you as challenging to work with?  What would make this person not want to be your supporter or advocate?

 Spend some time reflecting on each question.  Ponder it for a while.  Jot down some notes.  Notice if you are seeing any themes pop up.  Improving relationships requires you to see the other person differently.  Then act!  You can continue to think about it for weeks, but acting on -those thoughts is the only way it will improve. 

Start with self-awareness

“Self awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.”

— Debbie Ford

Great Leaders Start with Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is one of the most important aptitudes required to make the transition from good leadership into great. 

Interestingly, self-awareness can also impact a company’s bottom line, according to this research by the Korn Ferry Institute, “Companies with higher rates of return on stock also have employees with fewer personal blind spots.”

Despite the need for self-awareness, it seems to be in short supply among many leaders.   According to the Hay Group Research, 19 percent of women executives interviewed exhibited self-awareness as compared to 4 percent of their male counterparts.   

Do you need a new approach to increasing self-awareness?

Gaining a new perspective on your old behaviors can reap great dividends for your organization and your career trajectory.  It can also help you reduce turnover costs as your new employees will be more engaged with increased leadership strength.  Here are 5 ways you can increase your self-awareness:

• Gather feedback from trusted sources or take a 360▫ Assessment.  I’ve used these for years within organizations and I have really seen it make a difference!  I’m happy to share my favorites with you.
   
• Take a personality or behavioral assessment like Everything DiSC, Myers Briggs or Strengths Finder.  If you’ve never done this it will really open your eyes to your style and what you naturally bring to the table. 
   
• Build Emotional Self-Awareness- As you come to comprehend your own emotions and behavior, you increase your understanding for what drives the actions of those around you. With this knowledge, you can improve your relationships, and above all, your happiness.  A good emotional “vocabulary” and steady self-reflection helps us become more conscious of our emotions.  Let me know if you need ideas on how to do this.  I can share some additional tips.
   
• Know Yourself- Do an assessment of your values.  Become clear on what you stand for.  Use this tool to get started.
   
• Get executive coaching.  A good coach will give you her observations and insights from working with you.  They are not afraid to tell you that you have “spinach in your teeth”, all in the name of helping you. 

DiSC Certification Online
March 09 – March 30, 2018
Live session each Friday from 1:00 – 2:30pm MST

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March 27 – March 28, 2018
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13 Leadership Skills You Didn’t Need a Decade Ago That are Now Essential

Last month, Forbes’ article: 13 Leadership Skills You Didn’t Need a Decade Ago That Are Now Essential listed these critical leadership skills: Executive Presence Resiliency Culture Management Navigation of Ambiguity Hybrid of Skills Multigenerational Management Collaboration Emotional Intelligence Social Media Presence Authenticity Mastery of Crucial Conversations Leadership of Virtual Teams and Independent Contractors Co-Creative Leadership How do your leadership development programs line up with this list?  Does it need an overhaul to stay up to date?  Essential leadership skills evolve over time as do the needs of businesses.  If you haven’t updated your required leadership competencies in some time, please drop me a line and let’s start the conversation.  We can have you up to date in no time!

Social and Emotional Intelligence

Have you ever met someone who is “book smart” but not “street smart,” or maybe seems to lack “people skills?”  The phrase “emotional intelligence” was not part of the public lexicon 10-15 years ago, but Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence, moved the phrase from academia to the general public.  Today, in the world of business and leadership, it is well understood that high intelligence (a high IQ) does not necessarily mean that the person has high emotional intelligence (a high EQ).  There are certainly some very smart people who are not in touch with their own emotions or the emotions of others. When we talk about social and emotional intelligence, we are referring to the ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, in the moment, and then using that information to manage ourselves and our relationships.  In essence, social and emotional intelligence is about awareness of ourselves and others while being able to manage ourselves and our relationships with others. Managers who are lacking in social and emotional intelligence are often called “bullies” and “jerks.”  They can be angry, hostile, and emotionally immature.  Leaders who lack social and emotional intelligence induce stress in the workplace and cost their companies in both productivity and talent.  Research from Stanford University, and from the Center for Creative Leadership, has found that some of the top reasons for executive derailment include poor interpersonal relationships, rigidity, and the inability to work with a team -- in other words, poor social and emotional intelligence. On the flip side, leaders with high social and emotional intelligence tend to be more successful.  In a study of 2000 managers in 12 large organizations, it was found that 81% of the competencies that distinguished outstanding leaders were related to social and emotional intelligence.  In an additional study of 15 global businesses, it was found that 90% of the difference between the average and best performing leaders was in social and emotional competencies.  One of the 26 social and emotional intelligence competencies is trust, and high trust teams outperform low trust teams by 300%. The good news for leaders, managers, organizations, and even individuals just looking to improve their skills is that the social and emotional intelligence competencies are both measurable and learnable.  It all starts with awareness, and to best understand your current social and emotional intelligence level, that means taking an assessment.  Once you know your areas of strength and weakness, you can improve your social and emotional intelligence through coaching, training, and (perhaps most importantly) practice.  Moreover, these skills are easiest to improve and produce the best ROI when the methods for improving social and emotional intelligence are integrated into organizational culture. How can social and emotional intelligence coaching and training help organizations?  Sheraton Hotels and Resorts introduced social and emotional intelligence training and coaching with the goal of building a service culture.  They were able to increase their market share by 24%.  Sanofi-Aventis trained a group of sales representatives in social and emotional intelligence.  The training resulted in an 18% increase in social and emotional intelligence over the control group.  Furthermore, the trained sales representatives outsold the control group by an average of 12% ($55,200) each per month.  At Pepsico, social and emotional intelligence programs generated a 10% increase in productivity and an 87% decrease in turnover. Social and emotional intelligence training can work for both individuals and organizations of all sizes.  These programs have a proven positive return on investment and benefit employees throughout all levels of an organization.  Are you interested in learning more about social and emotional intelligence assessments or training programs?  Aspen Edge Consulting can help make your organization happier and more profitable.

Traditional intelligence vs. Social and Emotional Intelligence. What’s more important?

Most positions require a certain baseline IQ.  It’s the price of admission.  This is especially true when thinking of positions like physicians, engineering, and the like.  However, once you reach an average IQ, then social and emotional intelligence can become the differentiator for your career success.  You may have the IQ that’s required to get into medical school, but if you want to go from being a good physician to a great one, you have to have social and emotional intelligence.  It’s difficult to become successful without social skills.  According to Daniel Goleman, often referred to as the father of Emotional Intelligence, 80% of “adult” success comes from emotional intelligence.  Having healthy relationships at work can have a huge impact on a person’s performance and those around them.  If an employee at work doesn’t understand how they impact others, if they are causing friction, you will see the global morale of the office drop.  If they are customer, facing the impact can be even more catastrophic.  Another study by The Center for Creative Leadership says “75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict; or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.” What exactly is Emotional Intelligence?  There are many definititons but simply It’s the ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage oursevles and manage our relationships.

If you are a manager, can you see the value of investing in your leaders who report to you, and gaining increased social and emotional intelligence benefits from them?  Imagine them complaining less, being more productive, and increasing revenue.   Not to mention being easier to work with!

Emotional intelligence becomes even more important as you move up in the organization because you are responsible for more people and that can have a big impact across the organization.  Increasing Emotional Intelligence among your leadership can have these positive benefits for organizations:

• Increased retention of strong performers

• Reduced turnaround time

• Increased sales

• Expanded market share

• Increased employee engagement

• Increased customer satisfaction